I feel kind of ridiculous about getting like this, but a couple of days ago I was reading a story (linked on tumblr) about a sexual assault and I’m usually fine and just end up having my faith in humanity crushed a little bit more but It really really got to me and it’s been majorly distracting me ever since.
I just feel… so upset about it, like, viscerally upset. Not only about the incident but about the reactions. The idea that unless you kick and scream and fight, and deny him until you’re dead or unconscious, the moment you give in, they will say that you consented.
The moment you stop saying no or stop resisting, no matter how many times you said it prior and he ignored you, demonstrating the futility of saying it, No matter how many times you pulled away and he pulled you back, demonstrating the futility of trying to win in a contest of strength, the moment you stop, they will say you consented.
There is no amount of times you can say no or pull away that will prevent them from saying you consented, so long as you stop even once, ever.
And he will swear that he would have stopped if you really had wanted him to and no one will call him out for all the times you did. Because you stopped.
The burden of “resistance” in these cases is literally nearly impossible to reach. There’s no way to win.
Anyway it really got to me and I finally have to write this out. Just to have said it , I guess. Hope I can kick this and get back to focusing. I have crazy chapters to finish before the end of the month or mine shall be the shortest freelance career ever.